Dirty Martini Society

At what point does your ex become just a friend? After months of mentally expelling him from your life and thoughts you begin to think of the reasons that attracted you to him in the first place. The difference between him and the other guys you've been involved with was the fact that you two became friends before jumping into anything. So even though relationship has gone sour you still think about the positive qualities he had as a friend. Are these qualities enough to want a friendship post-breakup or should you keep him in the "never call again" discard pile? Furthermore is it even possible to have a platonic friendship after being so intimate?

There comes a point in a person's dating life that they think to themselves, "is this it?" I mean most of us date people within our own age group, and sadly to say that most of the time guys my age rarely seem to impress me. Don't get me wrong, guys in my age group are pretty cool; we are able to connect on a lot of levels and our dialect encompasses the same words. However, after a while you find yourself wanting to date guys that actually have more to talk about than Britney Spears or how "awesome" the latest Fall Out Boy song is. You start scoping out guys that are a little older partly because they have lived life a little longer and are settled in their own independent lives. One in particular catches your eye and surprisingly he's into you as well. The communication starts off slow, a phone call here or there, maybe an email thread. This builds up to the first date which could arguably be the best date of your life. Dinner, drinks, intelligent conversation all leading up to romantic good night kiss. The weeks following seem like a dream. He's charming, attentive...hell you've even mentioned him to your mom. Then after a couple months of dating you let him know that you are really into him. Now at this point logic steps in and suggests that he would echo your sentiment and the two of you would become more attached..perhaps even exclusive. But life being this amazing entity doesn't let you go quite so easily. Your distinguished older gent becomes aloof. Increasingly he becomes more insecure around you, almost to the point that hanging out isn't even fun anymore. The sweet emails and calls at 1am to talk about nothing stop and you're left wondering, "What the hell." After about 3 weeks of this you realize that the older guy is no different from some of the other guys you've dated. In fact those guys in your age range seem even more attractive because even they would have been upfront with you sooner, even if it was after taking 10 shots of vodka and suddenly having the need to "be honest" with you. So your time with the older guy goes down in your book as a lesson learned and hopefully never to be repeated again...well maybe.

After a relationship there is always that period of doubt, anger, run away libido, etc etc. Gun shy from the last relationship you cringe at the idea of getting involved with anyone for fear of a repeat bombing happening on your heart. Of course, while involving yourself in mindless activties to forget the fact that you ex is still on your buddy list or in your text message inbox you run into the rebound guy. This is a guy that usually has just gotten out of a relationship himself therefore he is just as whacked out as you are about the idea of dating someone serious. There is immediate attraction but you keep reminding yourself that this is not a good idea. You both, for a lack of a better word, are damaged goods and have yet to be repaired by the mechanics time and too much work to care. Still against your better judgement you continue to see him, flirt, and toy with the idea that hell you're still pretty hot despite your ex thinking otherwise. So what do you do? Clearly this isn't going anywhere positive, but the attention is a nice sedative to the harsh reality you've dealt with for a couple of weeks. The Rebound Guy: potential new guy, or just an entity put in place by the universe to remind you that you are desirable despite what that little voice in your head says?

Recently out of yet another relationship I have found myself coping with the demise in a different way than I have other doomed unions. Instead of sulking, playing the typical sad love songs and drinking my weight in wine I've become proactive in my single state. There hasn't been a weekend or weeknight for the that matter that I haven't been out on the town meeting new people and losing myself in top shelf martinis. My friends are perfect for this type of therapy as they, like myself, enjoy the thrill of going out and meeting new people. I mean afterall it gives us hope that Mr. Right or Right Now is only a tequila shot or sweaty dance grind away. We lose ourselves time and time again in a sea of bodies all wanting to be loved and stopping at nothing to grasp at the thin straws that love still exists. For some this endless game is enough to sustain them for countless years but there are those who have an expiration date and become frantic when the date on their social life creeps closer and closer. Is optimism a good quality to possess when it is quite clear that finding that one is damn near impossible even in a city that some consider to be gay mecca?